Day 50

Day 50 again, and things are just ok. I’m glad I’m not drinking, but things have been stressful lately. What with the mountains of school applications and other tasks, I’m exhausted (it is almost over, thank goodness). I need a treat of some kind! I have to figure out what it will be. A spa day sounds good, but I’m still nervous about COVID so maybe not. I need something, though. I’m not very good at this treating myself thing. Wine was so easy. So good at filling that treat need. But since that’s not happening, what should it be?

Day 25

Gratitude. I think I should try to focus more on gratitude…

It’s Day 25, and I’m grateful that I have a sense of humor.

Automated voice: “Hello, welcome to AT&T, how can I help you?”

Me: “I would like to order new landline phone service for my mom.”

Automated voice: “I’m sorry. I can’t understand you. Please state the account number associated with this request.”

Me: “This is a new service request. There is no account number.”

Automated voice: “I’m sorry. I can’t understand you. Please state the account number associated with this request.”

Me: “I want to speak to a real person.”

Automated voice: “I hear that you would like to speak to a service representative, but in order to send you to the right place, please tell me what you are calling about.”

Me: “Landline phone service.”

Automated voice: “I’m sorry. I can’t understand you. Please state the account…”

Me: Hang up

Automated voice: “Hello, welcome to AT&T, how can I help you?”

Me: “I want to speak to a person.”

Automated voice: “I hear that you would like to speak to a service representative, but in order to send you to the right place, please tell me what you are calling about.”

Me: “New landline phone service.”

Automated voice: “What is the passcode for this account?”

Me: “There is no passcode. It is new service.”

Automated voice: “I’m sorry. I can’t understand you. Please state the account number associated with this request.”

Me: “I want to speak to an agent.”

Automated voice: “I hear that you would like to speak to a service representative, but in order to send you to the right place, please tell me what you are calling about.”

Me: “I want to speak to an agent.”

Automated voice: “OK. Let me connect you.”

Real person: “Welcome to AT&T, how can I help you.”

Me: “I would like to order new landline phone service for my mom.”

Real person: “OK. I can help you with that. What is the phone number associated with the account?”

Me: “There is no phone number. I need new service.”

Real person: “I see you are calling from a number associated with an AT&T account. What is your passcode?”

Me: I am calling from my cell phone. I want to set up a new landline service for my mom in her apartment. There is no passcode for this.”

Real person: “OK. Let me transfer you to someone who can help you with that.”

Me: “OK.”

Real person #2: “Welcome to AT&T, how can I help you.”

Me: “I would like to order new landline phone service for my mom.”

Real person #2: OK. Let me transfer you to someone who can help you with that.”

Me: “What? I was just transferred to YOU so YOU could help me with it.”

Real person #2: “I’m sorry, I am in the billing department. I need to transfer you somewhere else.”

Me: “OK.”

Real person #2: “Just a moment.”

Real person #3: “Welcome to AT&T, how can I help you.”

Me: “I would like to order new landline phone service for my mom.”

Real person: “OK. I can help you with that. What is the phone number associated with the account?”

Me: “There…is…no…phone…number…yet! This is a request for NEW landline service!”

Real person #3: “I’m sorry. This is the cell phone division. I need to send you to someone who can help you.”

Me: “OK.”

Real person #4: “Welcome to AT&T, how can I help you.”

Me: “I would like to order new landline phone service for my mom.”

Real person #4: “Does your mom want additional services with her digital phone service? High-speed internet…”

Me: “No, no, thank you. She is 87 and has dementia. I actually want traditional landline service. There is a phone jack in her room. I want to turn it on, and plug a phone into it.”

Real person #4: “I’m sorry. I can’t help with that as this is the digital phone service line. I need to transfer you to someone who can help you with that.”

Me: “PLEASE, you are the 4th person I have talked to about this, not including the automated system at the beginning. PLEASE may I have the direct number for the landline division in case I get disconnected?”

Real person #4: “Yes, it’s xxx-xxx-xxxx.”

Me: “OK. Thank you!” I am then disconnected.

Real person #5 (from direct landline division number): “Welcome to AT&T, how can I help you.” (There are distinct sounds of a raging party going on in the background and I can barely hear).

Me: “I would like to order new landline phone service for my mom. You know, plug a phone into a jack in the wall.”

Real person #5: “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to transfer you to someone else. I can’t help you with that if it is a physical landline.”

Me: “WHAT!?!?! I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to sound sharp with you. I’m just frustrated as you are the 5th person I have talked to about this, and this is supposed to be the direct landline service line.”

Real person $5: “I’m sorry. I really have to transfer you.”

Me: “OK”

Real person #6: “Welcome to AT&T, how can I help you.” 

Me: “My mom lives in an apartment. There is a landline jack in the wall, and I want to turn it on and plug a phone into it. Can you help me with this?”

Real person #6: “Yes, I would be happy to help you with that. The thing is that we are all working from home and we aren’t allowed to run credit checks from home that are necessary for traditional landline service so I am going to fill out a form, and someone will be calling you in the next 24 to 48 hours to process this. Please be aware that if you do not answer the phone when they call, they will not call back, and you will have to start this process all over again.”

Me: “OK…” (Laughing and crying at the same time.)

Day 19

Some reasons to stay sober:

  1. This is, by far, the best reason of all. Reason number one: so you only have to hear your daughter ask you “What’s an alcoholic?” (as you open the fridge for a beer in the middle of the day) ONCE. Of course, I KNEW she had been watching me down a bottle of wine every night for months, but now I also know that she’s thinking about it. Yes, this finally happened. Oh, my god.
  2. So you can deal with all of the crap that happens sometimes and leaves you scrambling. Recently, I have learned that my child has learning differences and needs an occupational therapist, an specialist math tutor, and a cognitive behavioral therapist for her anxiety and OCD; that her current school (where she was going to transition to middle school next year) can’t or won’t support her properly so I need to find a new school for middle school; that my mom (who has Alzheimer’s) thinks I’m stealing her social security checks and occasionally wants to send me to jail (and it makes no difference when I bring her regular printouts from the bank); and that a plumbing emergency has flooded the entire downstairs of my mom’s house (and everything has to be torn out and replaced). And I’m dealing with all of that while my partner (and father to our daughter) is having a fairly serious mental health crisis (for months now). Yep, this is all happening at the same time, and alcohol is certainly tempting. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t help me deal with any of this shit, though.
  3. That it feels fucking GREAT to wake up sober in the morning, every morning.
  4. That you no longer are waking up at 3 a.m., every night.
  5. So you can feel righteous even while eating a big piece of chocolate cake. Every day if you want to.
  6. So you know that you aren’t making your pre-existing health issues worse by drinking. Can you imagine how horrible it would be if I needed a bone marrow transplant but couldn’t get one because of the consequences of heavy drinking?
  7. So you can finally get serious about doing something adventurous and different with your life before it is too late.

And many more, of course. I have to wrap it up because my daughter is having a meltdown about not having done her homework. Sigh.

xoxo

Day 17

Still sober, still stressed, but hanging in there. Clinging, really, is what I’ve been doing today. Like to the world’s smallest piece of driftwood in class VI rapids.

I don’t have the energy to get into it all right now, but suffice it to say that I figured I better check in here. I’m proud of me for not drinking.

xoxo

Day 11

Double digits! The last couple of days have been a bit rough. Not with the not-drinking thing. That’s been fine. But, the applying for schools, and figuring out what to do next year … it’s been brutal. Anyway, just checking in to say, “Yay! I’m not drinking!!!”

xoxo

Day 8

It was a good day. Had some social time with friends and went for a long walk in the park. In other news, my addict voice keeps coming around, trying to make me forget what I knew so clearly a week ago. No! I can’t just have a few! I want the whole bottle (and then some)! It was worse last time, and it seemed like I might be trapped forever. Always thinking I would have less or that I’ll quit tomorrow. Not even enjoying it, really, most of the time. Always chasing that perfect feeling that only sometimes shows up. No, I’m not having it anymore! I’m done.

xoxo

Day 7

Woo hoo! One week! Only 51 more for a year! Just kidding. 🤪 One day at a time and all that. I am looking forward to the weekend. I am also very seriously considering taking this opportunity of choosing a new school to get my family out of this big, busy rat race of a city we live in and move to my mom’s small mountain town for middle school. Where my kid could learn to ski at local’s prices and ride her bike to school. Go camping without having to make a reservation six months in advance! Be closer to nature. Where my mom might not be miserable in her assisted living place. Sounds nice, huh? Best wishes for you (and me!) today.

xoxo

Day 6

It is Day 6, and its been a long day of middle school hunting. Two parent orientations and a LONG middle school open house in the evening. And an application and financial aid request due tomorrow. And none seem quite right for my kid. I am craving a drink like nobody’s business, but I don’t do that any more. Looking forward to the morning.

xoxo

Day Five

Made it to Day 5. Yesterday was a difficult day, full of stress and anxiety. I found out that our daughter’s current school wants her to go to a different school for middle school which means a lot of stress to find a new school. It is a long story, but the whole situation is triggering a lot of strong emotions and anxiety for me. But, honestly, I didn’t even consider drinking. I’m grateful that I have a clear head to deal with it. And this morning, it actually feels like an opportunity.

xoxo

Day Four

It’s raining here today, and I’m itchy and uncomfortable. My partner has been grouchy, and my daughter was whining about brushing her hair before leaving to (be late to) school. I have to rush to get some important things done now that I put off longer than i should have. Grrrr! Yes, my mood is diametrically opposed to how it was yesterday. Still, I’m grateful that every time I think that I’ll be able to drink in the future, I am able to say, “No, I’m done with drinking now. Same way I’m done with cigarettes now.” Thank you, self.

xoxo