msnewleaf

Some reasons to stay sober:

1. This is, by far, the best reason of all. Reason number one: so you only have to hear your daughter ask you “What’s an alcoholic?” (as you open the fridge for a beer in the middle of the day) ONCE. Of course, I KNEW she had been watching me down a bottle of wine every night for months, but now I also know that she’s thinking about it. Yes, this finally happened. Oh, my god.
2. So you can deal with all of the crap that happens sometimes and leaves you scrambling. Recently, I have learned that my child has learning differences and needs an occupational therapist, an specialist math tutor, and a cognitive behavioral therapist for her anxiety and OCD; that her current school (where she was going to transition to middle school next year) can’t or won’t support her properly so I need to find a new school for middle school; that my mom (who has Alzheimer’s) thinks I’m stealing her social security checks and occasionally wants to send me to jail (and it makes no difference when I bring her regular printouts from the bank); and that a plumbing emergency has flooded the entire downstairs of my mom’s house (and everything has to be torn out and replaced). And I’m dealing with all of that while my partner (and father to our daughter) is having a fairly serious mental health crisis (for months now). Yep, this is all happening at the same time, and alcohol is certainly tempting. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t help me deal with any of this shit, though.
3. That it feels fucking GREAT to wake up sober in the morning, every morning.
4. That you no longer are waking up at 3 a.m., every night.
5. So you can feel righteous even while eating a big piece of chocolate cake. Every day if you want to.
6. So you know that you aren’t making your pre-existing health issues worse by drinking. Can you imagine how horrible it would be if I needed a bone marrow transplant but couldn’t get one because of the consequences of heavy drinking?
7. So you can finally get serious about doing something adventurous and different with your life before it is too late.

And many more, of course. I have to wrap it up because my daughter is having a meltdown about not having done her homework. Sigh.

xoxo

Still sober, still stressed, but hanging in there. Clinging, really, is what I’ve been doing today. Like to the world’s smallest piece of driftwood in class VI rapids.

I don’t have the energy to get into it all right now, but suffice it to say that I figured I better check in here. I’m proud of me for not drinking.

xoxo

Double digits! The last couple of days have been a bit rough. Not with the not-drinking thing. That’s been fine. But, the applying for schools, and figuring out what to do next year … it’s been brutal. Anyway, just checking in to say, “Yay! I’m not drinking!!!”

xoxo

It was a good day. Had some social time with friends and went for a long walk in the park. In other news, my addict voice keeps coming around, trying to make me forget what I knew so clearly a week ago. No! I can’t just have a few! I want the whole bottle (and then some)! It was worse last time, and it seemed like I might be trapped forever. Always thinking I would have less or that I’ll quit tomorrow. Not even enjoying it, really, most of the time. Always chasing that perfect feeling that only sometimes shows up. No, I’m not having it anymore! I’m done.

xoxo

Woo hoo! One week! Only 51 more for a year! Just kidding. 🤪 One day at a time and all that. I am looking forward to the weekend. I am also very seriously considering taking this opportunity of choosing a new school to get my family out of this big, busy rat race of a city we live in and move to my mom’s small mountain town for middle school. Where my kid could learn to ski at local’s prices and ride her bike to school. Go camping without having to make a reservation six months in advance! Be closer to nature. Where my mom might not be miserable in her assisted living place. Sounds nice, huh? Best wishes for you (and me!) today.

xoxo

It is Day 6, and its been a long day of middle school hunting. Two parent orientations and a LONG middle school open house in the evening. And an application and financial aid request due tomorrow. And none seem quite right for my kid. I am craving a drink like nobody’s business, but I don’t do that any more. Looking forward to the morning.

xoxo

Made it to Day 5. Yesterday was a difficult day, full of stress and anxiety. I found out that our daughter’s current school wants her to go to a different school for middle school which means a lot of stress to find a new school. It is a long story, but the whole situation is triggering a lot of strong emotions and anxiety for me. But, honestly, I didn’t even consider drinking. I’m grateful that I have a clear head to deal with it. And this morning, it actually feels like an opportunity.

xoxo

It’s raining here today, and I’m itchy and uncomfortable. My partner has been grouchy, and my daughter was whining about brushing her hair before leaving to (be late to) school. I have to rush to get some important things done now that I put off longer than i should have. Grrrr! Yes, my mood is diametrically opposed to how it was yesterday. Still, I’m grateful that every time I think that I’ll be able to drink in the future, I am able to say, “No, I’m done with drinking now. Same way I’m done with cigarettes now.” Thank you, self.

xoxo

Made it to Day Three, and I’m really grateful to be here. I am SO grateful that I had a good night’s sleep. That I went for a lovely walk in the woods and did a little yoga yesterday. That I’m going to have a productive day today. And for coffee!!

xoxo

Leafy

I still don’t have a lot to say about it, except that, yay, made it to Day Two. This is the easy part for me. Today, I’m looking for more tools to keep me out of the danger zone when things start to seem too easy.