And there’s snow here! I live in a city without snow in the winter so this is a special treat. Last night, without booze, wasn’t so bad. My body doesn’t feel great, still – I’m achy and sore – but my mind is clearer. My stepmom (while she was likely drunk) said some things to my daughter (who is still just a kid) that upset my daughter, and I was able to be clear about it and address it. Not perfectly, I’ll admit, but address it. And hopefully my daughter felt heard. She deserves to always feel heard. OK. I’m on vacation and posting from my phone so I can’t write too much without my finger falling off. And there’s snow to go see! I’m not going to drink today. See you tomorrow.
I’ve made it to day 4! Hooray for me. I’ve even made it to my parents’ house for the holiday and turned down wine twice already (and we’ve only been here for two hours… that’s a little scary). I’m not sure I’ve ever been here and not had wine EVERY NIGHT except when I was pregnant. I am missing it. It sounds so great to have a glass of wine…but I really want to see if I feel as good as everyone on these blogs says they do after a good long stretch of sobriety. Right now, I’m a bit better but still pretty tired. I’m not going to drink today.
Today, I still feel like crap. All day, I’ve been just dragging myself around at work, but I’m finally off and can go to bed soon. Yay!
So, I get home, and my partner tries, not just once, but twice to get me to drink some wine. Because I work so hard. Because I’m now on vacation and should relax. It’s so irritating. Yes, I’d like to drink wine, but he knows I’m trying not to. And I really want to wake up tomorrow feeling better. The thing is that my partner has his own issues with booze. And he’s not drinking now, but he really wants to. So, I think it is threatening when I am not drinking. I think he is holding out hope that, as long as I can drink, maybe he can drink himself one day. And tomorrow is our trip for Thanksgiving, and my family (with the exception of my sober sister) will be all be drinking like fish. Well, never mind that. I’m not going to drink today.
I have quit drinking before. For a few days, for a few weeks, for a little over a month, etc. So, I know that the first day, I’m usually SUPER crabby and just want to hide in bed. The second and third days, I’m usually happy to wake up not hungover, but still generally dragging around, exhausted. By the fourth or fifth day (unless I’ve committed very clearly to a goal), I’m feeling better and usually convince myself to have a couple of glasses of wine. Which, lately, always turns into at least a bottle. Clearly too much. As I’m in that exhausted stage, I’m not feeling inclined to write much. I do want to write every day, though – even if it is terrible and unedited – so that I can create an actual record for myself and keep myself accountable. That’s it for today. I’m not going to drink today. See you tomorrow.
It is 6 days before Thanksgiving, a holiday always filled with several days of heavy drinking. For me, at least. But here I am, fruit tea in a champagne flute, wanting to try this sobriety thing. I’m going to try to post every day for the next 30 days, and see how I feel. I can do it. I’m tired of feeling shitty, and I want a great life. I’m probably crazy to try now, but I’ve heard it said that there is no good time. So, it might as well be today. I’m not going to drink today.