It has been almost three weeks now, and I’m feeling mostly good. Generally strong. I have been getting mild pangs for wine here and there, but that’s all they are. Mild pangs. Not huge cravings. And they pass quickly. This weekend, I’m going to hang out with my friend (one of my serious drinking buddies). I’ve been worried that she won’t be supportive of my not drinking because we always drink A LOT every time I see her. Well, I decided to ask her to see a movie. During the day when we can get coffee after, not booze. I’m feeling quite proud of myself for nurturing my friendship in a new way.
Today, I saw my therapist and told her I wasn’t drinking. I actually had never talked to her about any concerns I had about alcohol before. Because I was too embarrassed and didn’t want to be told I had to quit. The same reason I didn’t want to tell my doctor. Ridiculous, I know. Anyway, I realized while I was talking to her that a big part of my wanting to quit was so that I could have more clarity on some big decisions I need to make in my life. I have been using alcohol to escape the uncomfortable bits of my life and avoid having to really think about how I’m feeling and what I want to do. I’m not feeling any more clear yet. I’m hoping that will come with more time. Eighteen days isn’t a long time. I guess I need to be patient…
msnewleaf 
You’re on the right track with the sobriety — and the therapy. Sometimes the clarity that sobriety reveals just the simple fact of our ambivalence, which can be the cause of our indecision (and desire to escape via drugs and alcohol)… And, sometimes there just isn’t an obvious choice in things, that time may or may not resolve. I’m sure that doesn’t help you, but it’s been my experience after many years. In the end, things can and most often do work out, in spite of ourselves!
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Thank you🙂
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