Yesterday was difficult. No doubt about it, but it all turned out OK. We had no electricity on our block from a huge storm (and I was feeling pretty blue), so we decided to go out for dinner in a restaurant where the lights were on. And it was good. Everyone was drinking beer except my partner and me, but I didn’t miss it much. And I woke up in a much better place after a good night’s sleep. Although I still feel unreasonably tired all day every day (despite enough sleep). It’s a little like I just want to hibernate, and when I’m awake everything is moving in slow motion.
One thing I have noticed that I am getting much better at sitting and listening to people. I used to be good at this, but I haven’t been as good at it for the last few years. Well, today, I went to brunch with a friend and was able to really be present for her while she talked about some tough stuff she is going through. I think sobriety is helping me to be quiet enough in my head to really listen. Maybe this is a benefit of slow motion.
After my friend was finished with her story, this weird thing happened: I just came right out and told her how much I had been drinking before I stopped. That was a HUGE secret, but it just came out. And she didn’t really react much. And I thought, “Oh shit! What if she always knew?!?! What if I didn’t really hide it?” And maybe that’s true (or maybe she is just cool or thinking mostly about her own stuff which is probably also true), but maybe it really doesn’t matter. Why can’t I be honest with a good friend? Of course I can.
Well, that’s it for today.