Two weeks! I’m feeling good (well, I still have a cold and feel yucky, but good with the not drinking). I really haven’t missed drinking today. Of course, it is still not yet the witching hour where I live so I know that could change. But, it’s OK. I know I’m not going to drink today. The more I read, the more curious I am about what it will be like to be sober for a longer period of time. I don’t feel ready to say that I will never drink again, but I can commit to not drinking today. And continuing to fantasize about how good I will feel when I’ve been sober for a good, long chunk of time.
I am looking forward to having enough energy to get all the things done. Right now, I’m still running on 50%. I am/was a “high functioning” drinker which, to me, means that I can drink and still hold down a job, make sure my kid gets to school with a decent lunch and usually matching socks, pay the essential bills on time so the lights never go out (which DID happen in my house growing up a few times), take care of scheduling my mom’s doctor’s appointments, get to my own doctor’s appointments, keep track of the school deadlines (mostly), visit my mom in her assisted living complex and take her out at least twice a week, etc. But I’m always playing catch up, and lots of little things (that are still important – like some of the less-essential bills, parking tickets, etc.) fall through the cracks for a lot longer than they should. And (perhaps this is silly) I can never, never, never get my house organized. Never. I’ll Marie Kondo all of the clothes with gusto, but then never move on to the books and papers (or all the little random bits of plastic kid birthday party bags, puzzle pieces now disconnected from their puzzles, Amazon boxes as yet not broken down, string from a broken cat toy, and similar items). Which will continue their slow but sure progress toward taking over the house. And, if I’m being really honest (which I guess I am trying to be), I really am a far cry from Supermom. And I’ve done things while drinking that I’m not proud of. Yep.
Right now, I’m just trying to be sober. And learn some things about taking better care of myself. I’m hoping that I’ll get better about juggling all of this crazy shit in my life with more time sober, but I’ll try not to obsess on it.