Yoga and Growing Pains

It’s been a pretty good week and a shitty week. It’s Day 29 again, and things in the no-drinking department are going well. Last week was a bit of a failure in the health department, but I got back on the horse and started a yoga program this week. I did three days of yoga (for the first time in forever), and I’m pretty thrilled about it. I’m planning to do another this morning soon.

I’ve finally started reading Atomic Habits, by James Clear, a book that has been recommended to me by several people here. One of the things he says is that seeing yourself as someone that does a certain thing habitually (not just someone that wants to) is crucial to successfully changing your habits. Well, I am practicing seeing myself as one of those super-healthy people that eat well, sleep enough, don’t drink, and do yoga. I’m a person that wakes up in the morning, drinks an early cup of coffee in bed with the paper, and then gets up and starts her day with some yoga. I’m not even going to put it on my daily list of tasks because it is just something I do. It’s not a task. It is who I am.

Truthfully, my life has also been a little chaotic lately, and getting up and doing yoga gives me a sense of control and peace first thing. I haven’t talked about this much here, but my partner is a very sweet, funny, and artistic person who also struggles with mental health issues. He had a difficult childhood, experienced trauma at the hands of his parents, and sometimes, he gets gets so caught up in his emotions about past events that he has trouble even staying in the present moment. And he is full of anger and extreme agitation. Before you become concerned, it isn’t ever directed at me or our daughter, but it is hard to be around. And every time it happens, I think, we are a family, I love him, but maybe we should live in separate houses! This was one of those weeks.

Historically, he also deals with his agitation by smoking, drinking, or doing drugs. Right now, he has given it all up except for marijuana, but even that, he abuses. I don’t feel tempted by that, so it isn’t really a trigger for me. But … it is hard to be the only one that is sober all of the time. Not because I don’t enjoy sobriety, but because I would like to be with someone who is also, at least, sober most of the time. I’m sure I don’t have to explain that here.

Sometimes, it feels like growing pains. I want to grow, and he is stuck, is how it feels anyway. Not completely stuck, but stuck enough. Enough for me to wonder if there is another way for us to be a family. One that would work better for me. But, it doesn’t feel this way all of the time. Just enough of the time to be confusing.

I hope you all have the loveliest of lovely days. Sending love and support.

xoxo

Leafy

19 thoughts on “Yoga and Growing Pains

  1. wow, my partner used to be the same and smoke a LOT of marijuana. When he became 100% sober around 2 years ago, a LOT of emotional crap came up, and it took about a year for him to become calmer. I completely understand the feeling of wanting to be with someone who is trying as hard as you to not have to rely on a substance for emotional regulation. Who knows, maybe your example will inspire him to trust his own abilities more and let go of his own crutch 🙂 Sending big hugs ❤ xxx Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wowzers, that is a great deal to manage at home. This ‘I want to grow, and he is stuck’ is a common theme for you and I it would seem. So difficult to know what to do for the best, especially as it’s not always consistent. It’s tricky to have those conversations too. My husband still drinks and at times I feel like it’s an additional wedge between us.

    I’m really into my yoga too. I haven’t done it before lockdown but about two months ago I read about an app in ‘The Guardian’. I downloaded it and haven’t looked back. I do at least a session every day pretty much and there’s all sorts of great
    meditations on there too. I’m loving it!!

    Good luck with the growing, may the pains be mild and manageable.
    Claire 😘 💕🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You must be getting really strong now, Claire! Good for you. Yes, we are twins 👯‍♀️ again on this. Thanks for the luck. Good luck to you, too! It really is hard to know what is right. 😘❤️🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think I recommended that book to you, and I had forgotten the part you mentioned. So good and so true!! See yourself as the kind of person who…. doesn’t drink, eats healthy, exercises regularly. Our minds are such that, if we see ourselves as something, we will be it. That can work for us or against us. Let’s make it work for us! You’re doing amazing, Leafy. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I also recommended the book but the part you mentioned also slipped my memory.😂
    Can relate about one being sober the other not. All I can offer is to lead by example.
    Sometimes timing isn’t in sync. Be patient. Focus on your own sobriety.
    I am working on exercise and in particular walking. Yoga I am tempted to start as so many here enjoy it.
    Here’s to a good week for all.❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s so funny that the part that sticks with me so far is the one others forget. I’m looking forward to the rest of the book. Thanks for recommending it! Yes, that’s good advice to focus on my own sobriety. All I really have control over is myself. Happy walking! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  5. it is so good to be back on here for a bit as i have been inattentive for a few weeks. So glad to catch up.Love reading everyones comments as well!! miss my support on here! I noted that my last comment was when you were redefining your relationship with alcohol and i made some observations then because since February ( after 13 months sober) i was going through the same. At this point, i have had a few experiments and have completely redefined my relationship with it. I have, through these experiments , learned that what is best for me is to, without exception, limit myself to 3 beers or less , and ONLY on occasion. Anything more and i feel out of control and have major hangover issues and guilt. At the same time, its nice not to feel i HAVE to drink or not drink…kind of like a ‘semblance’ of control. Like yourself, if there’s more around , i will absolutely drink it all. So making sure theres no more available is key, as is planning ahead – meaning having someone else around that understands my situation and can be trusted. Namaste and big hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Big hugs, Lovie! 3 beers or less on occasion sounds pretty perfect. Maybe some day I will be able to do that. Right now, I’m finding none to be the best for me. Glad you are back! 🤗

    Like

  7. “Well, I am practicing seeing myself as one of those super-healthy people that eat well, sleep enough, don’t drink, and do yoga.” That is such a great reminder for me. That to break unwanted habits, we actually have to first determine what we want to be like, then affirm that to ourselves. Super helpful, thank you.

    And, “we are a family, I love him, but maybe we should live in separate houses” – omg. Yep!!! I have that feeling too quite often haha.

    Um 29 days!! that is so so awesome. 🎉🙌 My how time flies. Craziness. Happy to read you again. :)) ❤️🙏

    Liked by 1 person

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