What Happens Now?

For those who responded to my last post, thank you for the support. This community is truly lovely and amazing, and I have been thinking a lot about what you said. I have also been thinking about what I said and trying to decide how I want to proceed from here. Do I start counting days again? If my intention is to not drink alcohol, that would create the most accountability. Is that my intention?

What I know is that I want to improve my health, make positive life choices and changes, and face the fears and habits that hold me back from doing what would be best for me. Changing my relationship with alcohol is a critical piece of this work. Not drinking means that my head is more clear, I don’t have alcohol-fueled anxiety, and I feel pretty great in the morning (my most productive part of the day). I think drinking heavily and/or regularly holds me back. Even if I don’t drink that often, I do want to drink heavily. A whole bottle of wine is too much, and that much hasn’t changed. At least not yet. Maybe it never will. I also think that it is very possible that I would drink more and more regularly if I completely took the brakes off (and if there wasn’t a pandemic going on that makes it just a little harder for me to decide I would like to drink). I don’t want that to happen.

Alcohol isn’t the whole story, though. I tend to start and stop positive changes over and over. I started meditating every day early in this journey, but then I just stopped. A couple of weeks ago, I exercised four times a week for two weeks in a row. Then, I stopped. I’m no longer eating tons of sugar every day, but nor am I eating all of the fruits and veggies I need every day to properly fuel my body.

Alcohol may not be the whole story, but it is an essential piece of the puzzle. All of the other things are just too hard when unhealthy drinking is part of one’s life.

I don’t have any answers. All of this is just churning around in my head right now. I’m thinking as I’m writing here, so forgive me if I don’t have everything tied up neatly with a bow.

Still, I’m doing ok. Feeling good this morning. About to get coffee. Thankful to wake with a clear head and blue sky with chirping birds outside. Even if the city hum is returning. I hope you are all well, too, and sending love and support your way.


Ms. New Leaf

28 thoughts on “What Happens Now?

  1. Hey leafy, first thing’s first, NONE of us have this tied up neatly with a bow so don’t beat yourself up a lot not having it sorted. I do a lot of starting and stopping good intentions. I’m going through a real ‘alcohol’ challenge too right now. I can’t imagine not sitting out with my hubby after a day walking when we are on a caravan holiday and not going to have a lovely glass of crisp white wine. I KNOW it would be so wrong for me and that I have made so much progress but I want to believe I can drink moderately and not let it consume me. I’m not convinced that is the case though.

    This is continual for many of us and we will change our paths at different times. As long as we each know where the others are so none of us get lost we’ll be ok I think. What happens now? We put one foot in front of the other and see everyday as a new day. Much love xx 😘 xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, let’s not get lost. That sounds like a plan. I get your temptation, of course. I would drink a whole bottle, though, if it were me. Not one glass. And it wouldn’t be nearly as great as I thought it would be. If that helps. I’m trying to remember that is the truth for me right now. Not easy though! Reach out if you need support! ❤️🌱

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am exactly the same. I said to my husband the other day, if I was drinking I’d sit in the garden in the sun, having thought all day about when I could have my first drink, and easily get through a bottle by 7pm. I’d probably start on a second one over the bank holiday weekend as I’m off work. I would tell myself not the next night, but I know I would do it again. I’m annoyed that I can’t moderate it but I tell myself I’m doing my mind, body and family so much good by being sober. That helps me carry on. Thanks leafy 🌱. It’s so good to know support is there. 😘💕

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  2. I think it was really brave of you to open up about having a drink! I also think it’s okay that you haven’t figured out what the next steps are. You’ve made so much progress and nothing can take away from you what you’ve learnt from that 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hugs, love and support.
    I have been away from blogging because I just didn’t feel like writing or reading. I wasn’t feeling joy. I feel it now again after a month.
    I am reading Atomic Habits by James Clear. He talks about exactly what you mention with habits falling away after a great start. He talks about setting up systems rather than goals. I’m only early into the book but it’s excellent. There was a queue at the library of 38 people for the ebook so I sucked it up and bought the kindle version. It’s popular for a reason.
    We are all human and don’t have life worked out. This last month I felt like I was fumbling in the dark. Today I can find the light switch.
    Have patience with yourself. You are doing well. Keep writing.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I think I realise also that this life is not something to be done solo. We all need a bit of a lift sometimes, someone to giggle with, someone to suggest an easier way, a guide, a friend, a mentor, a stranger in the supermarket to smile at.
        We need it all.
        Back to reading. Still raining here, my garden is grinning. Cup of tea and a curled up cat nearby.
        Enjoy your day NL. xx


      1. Thanks for that. Didn’t think to look on YouTube. Bought it now. Have it forever.
        It really is just what I need. Yes it is amazing. So brilliant with suggestions galore.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. You’re doing so well! All these thoughts I still deal with. Sometimes when I want a drink I ask myself “But what do you really want?” Another thing that’s helping me is I want to be more fit and healthy, and I know alcohol won’t get me there. I loved you getting morning coffee and the birds chirping. It encouraged me to take my coffee outside to sip on before work! 😃 Thanks!
    I don’t really know what my next steps are but no matter what I’m very happy with the progress I have made, make sure you are too! It’s way harder than I thought! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Leafy !!! I share so many of the same thoughts – and if anyone finds one of these magical bows that tie everything together, I want in !!! 😉 As Claire says, none of us have this figured out, but I know for sure that this community will be here for you to support you once you have figured out deep down what you really want to do> I am also an expert of trying to do too much (like the exercising everyday part) and then stopping – often because it is untenable on the long run. For me this is the other side of addiction: all or nothing thinking, wanting to do “too” well then failing because we’ve set unrealistic goals. IN other terms: lacking moderation 🙂 That’s what I’m working on in other areas of my life: trying to find more balance. And keep looking for that bow lol xxx big big hugs xxx Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  6. All of this…all of this…i couldn’t have said anything better than the comments above..been struggling with it all- commitments, blogging, etc.( which is one reason i posted something i wrote 2 years ago last time– the other being sick of politics and pandemic stuff). I am going to look for that book also..last few night been listening to Marcus aurelius & Seneca readings on youtube audiobooks–they are soothing to even fall asleep to. Keep going , and take deep breaths when you need to:)

    Liked by 1 person

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