Moving Forward

In three months, I will turn 50 years old. A half-century on the planet! Truthfully, it doesn’t seem like that much time, now. I thought I would feel different, older, when I turned 50, but my view of myself does not match what I was taught to believe 50 would be. Except for my body. I haven’t been giving it the love it needs for many years, and it shows. But my mind still feels young … ish, at least.

My daughter asked me whether she would forget how to imagine and play when she grew up, and I had to acknowledge that I just can’t get into playing pretend anymore. I’m too grounded in the real world now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the magic of the universe. I do. Especially when I am not drinking alcohol regularly or at all.

Yes, I have a better connection to magic, peace, love, and the thrill of life when I am not dulling myself. I know many people think the opposite is true, but I don’t think so. The most sublime moments I have spent in nature or listening to music, for example, are always when sober (except for a few times with help from magic mushrooms, but that is something different…).

Even though I know this is true, there is always, somewhere, that nagging urge to disappear, float away, curl up and hide, and sometimes, I give in. But I’ve stopped giving in, for now, so that I can experience more magic, peace, love, and life. And, of course, be as healthy as I can be.

Even though it is just a number, I want to go into this birthday with a clear mind and a healthy body. I won’t be drinking, of course, but that’s not the whole story. Since last November (the last time I drank a bottle of wine nearly every day), I have slowly started taking better care of myself, but there is still more to do. I’m not going to plan a schedule where I vow to (exercise, meditate, eat enough veggies, etc.) a certain number of times a week because that only lasts so long. But, I am intentionally trying to make healthy choices most of the time.

I’ve also started planning my day first thing in the morning, writing down my intended goals on a fresh list but not beating myself up if I don’t cross them all off. So far, this seems to motivate me, but I’m pretty sure I need accountability, too. So, I’m stating my intention here.

I hope you are all safe and healthy where you are. As always, much love and support to you.


Ms. New Leaf (aka Leafy)

23 thoughts on “Moving Forward

  1. I too tend to overdo it with making too many “live better” commitments at the same time. It’s hard! Lately I’m settling on being satisfied with knowing I’ve made at least a few positive actions every day. Today I 1) didn’t drink 2) exercised 3) will go to bed pretty quickly after the preschooler finishes her bedtime Paw Patrol episode! 😂

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  2. Yeah, I try to make my intended goal list fairly simple, and it depends heavily on how I feel that day. Lately, the goal for exercise has been “get on the elliptical for any amount of time” or “take a walk of any length.” Some small healthy action at least that I know I can do. Your day sounds great to me!

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  3. Hello Leafy 🌱 So fab to read this. I think you are fantastic and it’s brilliant to read posts that are honest and open. I feel the same about approaching 50, doesn’t feel old in my head. I have done exactly that same (you and I follow a similar path don’t we?). I start my day by writing intentions for the day. I’m trying to make them realistic and not a long list. If I don’t manage them that’s ok but it helps. Some days (particularly right now) it can be as simple as get out of bed and don’t drink alcohol. Others days there are a lot more items on the list. I love reading your posts so keep checking in. Love and hugs ❤️🤗 Claire xx

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  4. Yaaaaay Leafy !!!! Wonderful intentions, gentle and inspiring !!!! Same as you, the magical moments all happen for me when I am aware enough to notice – and alcohol makes us less aware 🙂 As for mushrooms, well, that’s a whole other story lololol xxxx Stay young in your mind (cause you ARE !) xxxx ❤ Anne

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  5. Sounds like you’ve got a good balance between healthy choices and being kind to yourself. Way to go, Leafy… Find your own path. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “…there is always, somewhere, that nagging urge to disappear, float away, curl up and hide…” Oh boy does this ever sound like me. Beautiful post. I’m going to try to come around a bit more…. miss reading you.💜

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      1. Thank you and so very good to see you! 2 weeks from today, with the grace of God, I’ll have 3 years! Time for me to do some work around ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics). I’ve been more “dry” than sober this past year- not a pretty site.🙄

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, I have, an alanon one. It was good, but I’m not terribly attracted to 12 step groups in general. Too much formula and process for me. I like the sharing and community, though.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Same here. I think I might be ready to try this though. Alot of childhood memories and emotions are surfacing and I’m seeing more clearly than ever the self-defeating patterns I’ve carried with me. See you soon my friend!❤️

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  7. I love all of this! The best thing for me is I make sure in the mornings I can have my “coffee and me time.” Ahhhhh…
    Back when I was drinking daily I had no idea just how wonderful that is!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Way to go Leafy! Don’t forget silliness too.
    I was looking at my goals and ideas and realised that I had left off fun and silliness.
    Your eyes are wide open. Keep seeing the magic and reminding us of it.

    Liked by 1 person

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