Blue Sky Outside!

Wow! It is such a nice day outside! My bedroom is on the 3rd floor of an old house, and I have a lot of windows on the side facing the yard. And it is sunny, blue sky, with birds chirping and insects buzzing, few car sounds. It is glorious.

My boss just emailed that sheโ€™s taking the day off. ๐Ÿ˜ฉ but I canโ€™t! Too much work to do. But Iโ€™m making a pledge to go for a walk outside at some point today! Iโ€™ve been feeling considerably less ok about being locked up here, working away at the computer, climbing the walls at times.

Going outside makes me anxious, though, but I think it has to be done. All masked up and from a safe distance, of course. Somehow, in all this craziness, Iโ€™ve forgotten to take care of me. Again.

Iโ€™m thinking of all of you, and hoping you are ok.

Thereโ€™s a giant purple slug that just inched its way into my room. I think thereโ€™s an 8-year-old girl in there somewhere. Iโ€™m going to investigate!



Update: Yes, a walk outside was a good thing (although still a little scary because there were a lot of people out – eeek!), but even better was deciding to take the afternoon off and relax. When am I ever going to remember that I have to take time to relax and take care of myself? It always makes everything so much better. And relaxing without alcohol, while once unthinkable, is really the only way to do it right. With booze, I might think I’m relaxed and feel a little euphoric, but it only lasts a bit until I want more, I drink more, and then I feel crappy and, decidedly, NOT relaxed later. NOT refreshed. NOT energetic. NOT ready to take on what is next. Yes, this is better.

20 thoughts on “Blue Sky Outside!

  1. I wanted to tell you that your post got me motivated to go outside and I met my mom at a lake with a walking path and really enjoyed getting to talk to her and get some sun on my face, so thanks for the suggestion.
    As for everything else, I got the news Saturday that my husbands return was further delayed, and they wouldnโ€™t even give him an end date…just extended orders another 60 days. So I guess I hit a wall, so to speak. I felt a huge sadness, and a complete loss of hope and positivity. Hoping those feelings return but what replaced them were feelings of wanting to drink, to be numb. Proving, of course, that the addictive voice never goes away, and is in fact cleverly opportunistic. Anyway, sorry to ramble. I am NOT going to drink, if for no other reasons than I wouldnโ€™t be able to look my children, or my husband in the eyes ever again. And those are pretty good reasons. Thank you for reaching out and holding me accountable! ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so so sorry! I totally get wanting to numb out. That seems like a pretty natural reaction to such news. The time will pass, of course, but it must seem like an eternity right now. But you are right that you donโ€™t really want to drink and it wonโ€™t really make anything better. And those ARE great reasons. You will get through this. And we are here for you when you need us! โค๏ธ๐Ÿค—โค๏ธ

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Ms Newleaf xx Thank you very much for your blog, I have just read through your journey and I feel very happy and proud for you. Your honesty is appreciated, as I think in my journey I have felt that it is just me, my problem, its seems dark and scary however the more I read other blogs, I often laugh out loud with relief because it may as well have been written by me. I am so grateful please keep writing and thank you x x x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I stood outside just after dawn this morning in my pjs breathing in the fresh air. It was wonderful.
    I checked out my vegetables and went back inside and back to sleep.
    This afternoon I did a ps4 dance game and danced in my pjs.
    I danced and I laughed.
    Today was a good day.

    Liked by 1 person

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