All good things…

I have been having a really good week, and I thought I should write down the things that are good so I will remember when I feel blah again. Here goes:

I feel much, much better now than when I was drinking. I have energy just buzzing from within. Really, sometimes it is almost uncomfortable how much I can feel my internal energy buzzing when I am doing something like sitting at my desk at work and can’t let it out. It makes me dance around the house and start singing randomly sometimes (never in public, I promise! :)). When I was drinking, I was just dragging around in a fog, feeling so tired, pretty much every day. This time with sobriety, it took a long while for me to start feeling more energetic. I don’t know if it was because something had changed or if it was because I stopped drinking during cold season, but it seemed like it took a lot longer to get my energy back. I don’t want to lose it now!

My mind is so much more clear now. No more constant brain fog! I am doing a much better job at work, and I don’t have to feel ashamed that I may not be hiding my nightly heavy drinking from my co-workers any more. Thank goodness! What a burden that was.

I am feeling like I have more energy for other people again. I’m sorry to say that I was pretty damn self-centered for a while and feeling very burned out. I used to always have time to listen to others and try to help, but I felt like that was leaving me for a while there. I feel it coming back. I am more patient and loving. With others and myself. I think it’s just too difficult to be poisoning yourself every day and also have enough mental space to be there for other people.

I have been able to get up early to do a little meditating and stretching most mornings. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time but just couldn’t do it before now.

This is the longest I have ever gone without drinking unless I was pregnant or breastfeeding. Seriously – since I was 21. That is 28 years of drinking, most of them at considerably more than the recommended amount. It is a wonder than my liver is not damaged (I had it tested in the last year). It is not surprising that I am overweight and have high blood pressure, but I’m working on that now. Just took it. 121/87. Not too bad! Getting better for sure. I have to stay healthy. I have people depending on me, but also for myself! I may only have this one life, and I don’t want to spend it unhealthy, anxious and dragging around exhausted and in a fog every day!

(day 58)