Health and Expectations

In one week, I will hit my 100-day goal. Pretty exciting, and I am going to plan something really nice (for me) on that day. I think maybe I need more (not candy) sober treats to get through this rough patch. Because I’m definitely going to continue on not drinking, at least for now.

I think it is probably true that some of my recent obsessive thoughts about drinking have had to do with the expectations I had of getting to this point. I really thought I was going to see big changes (in health, happiness, etc.) by 100 days, and I am seeing changes, but they are still small. Too many sobriety books will do that to you, I think. I’m sure there must be some pressure from publishers to paint a less-nuanced picture of how the changes happen. It’s OK. I think I realize now that small things will eventually add up to bigger things, but I have to be patient with myself and the process. I also need to put in a little more effort when I am able to. However, I think a lot of it is attitude and recognizing what is going well and right. I know lots of other people have good luck with a gratitude journal, and I’m thinking I’m going to try that.

Warning: I’m now going to talk about health and weight loss, etc., here so if any of that is boring (or triggering) for you, please stop reading now!

A major motivator for me to stay away from alcohol is improved health. In the last three months, I have lost about 5-8 lbs without trying at all (depending on my water retention on that day), but I still have approximately 20-25 lbs to go to get to a no-longer-overweight state. I’d like to do that by my 50th birthday, and I have about 6 months to get there. I’ve long had a fantasy of being in really good health (as much as I can be given my blood disorder, of course) by my 50th birthday. Perhaps it is doable, and to be honest, I think I need to really start feeling healthier to stay away from boozing in the long run. I need some health momentum!

To that end, I’m trying to slow down the sugar consumption. I don’t think I really need it anymore, and it isn’t good for me. I want my new treats to be oriented toward health. One “treat” I have been indulging in, as my budget allows, is nice, high-quality, organic food from the fancy grocery store. I also need to start up hiking, yoga and cardio-based exercise again, but that is a little more tricky because I’ve been having hip pain and chronic tiredness lately. I’m finally going to go see my doctor tomorrow to try to figure this out and make a plan. It is a little scary given the diagnosis I received the LAST time I went for a full physical, but it has to be done. Big girl pants time. I also have to admit that I fell off of my regular meditating and stretching routine when my life got crazy busy for a while there. Somehow, all of this stuff needs to be non-negotiable. Something I do no matter what, even if life is nuts. Nothing extreme. Just the basics, but every day.

I’m pretty much just writing this out for me so (hopefully!) I will remember as I move forward. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!


Ms. New Leaf

19 thoughts on “Health and Expectations

  1. I made it this far and I’ll read all your other posts too MsNL! Every time you post something resonates or clicks with me. It was so important to focus on not reaching for that bottle of wine at first, I allowed myself anything. I got lazy, ate crap and my body shows it! I have gained half a stone or more and my skin is spotty!!!! I have no energy and I too am struggling with physical things …currently under investigation. It’s time to reign it all in and be strict. Sugar binges need to stop. Regular exercise and fresh air are needed. Yes you must go to the doctor. I can see why it would be scary, you’ve already experienced trauma with a diagnosis. But it could be .. dare I speak its name??? … peri menapause 🙈. Be brave, go and pull on your big girl pants (don’t you love that expression?). Huge congrats on approaching 100 days. You are a 🌟 and deserve a lovely treat. Sorry for long comment but I’m so proud for you and I’m with you on the ‘next stop – health’ train.
    Claire xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s ALL about the little things that eventually add up to bigger things. I love your phrase, “health momentum.” At the risk of pushing another book your way, you should read Atomic Habits by James Clear…not necessarily about recovery but how making small 1percent changes in your routine amount to huge wins. Congratulations on your 100!! Way to go. 💕👍🏻

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  3. I’m right there with you on making health a priority. We can do it! For me, I know restraint, focus, and discipline all practiced in a slow steady manner will prove successful. I’m rooting you on, New Leaf👏

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    1. Yes, I’m definitely feeling more motivated. I think it helps to focus on something positive like gaining health rather than negative like quitting something. Now, if I can just stay here. 👍🏻

      Liked by 1 person

  4. it seems like many of us on here, especially the women of a certain age, are having this issue and i am starting to lament that i waited so long to tackle sobriety. If i had started before the peri menopause thing i am sure my struggles would have been a tad easier. I lost zero weight when i got sober, and in the first year i put on 15 lbs despite eating healthier and changing up the exercise routines. After much research, i am finding out why and have had to tackle the whole thing differently. When i started paying attention to what i ate DAILy via this app ( it;s not perfect and there has been a learning curve) it definitely helped in the sense that i am learning what puts weight on me now. I cant express loudly enough how ALL THE RULES have changed. without warning. And most make no sense. After several weeks i was losing too much and feeling way too deprived. Now that i have adjusted ( adding bread back in and really paying attention to stress triggers, and using mediation techniques to focus and calm myself) i have been able to at least maintain the 10 lb loss and i don’t feel like I’m starving. I still have about 5 to go . I have no idea what a”stone” is as far as weight loss..i keep hearing this a british thing?lol

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