I did it! Today is Day 183 in my (continuous days of) not drinking adventure! Six whole months. Pretty crazy. And wonderful.
At this point, it feels easy to stay on track. I have some days where I think about drinking, but not seriously. It just doesn’t grab hold of me like it used to (grab hold and forcefully propel me to the corner store!). For example, last night, I was feeling a bit off somehow. Disgruntled. We have been changing our yard to create some much-needed usable outdoor space. It used to be a sort of jungle-y tangle of weeds and previously planned and overgrown plantings, and now, it is very clean and angular and unfamiliar. I’m slowly getting used to it … but last night, I was worried it was a lot of money and effort for a product I didn’t like. And that feeling of regret led immediately to “Wouldn’t some whisky really mellow this feeling out now?” thoughts. I’m pretty embarrassed to admit that such trivial First World problems would make me feel this way, but they did. Ugh. I’m blushing just thinking about it. Anyway … my point is that these feelings were easy to push away because I know that I don’t want to go back to where I was two Novembers ago before I started this journey. When I wanted at least 4-5 glasses of wine pretty much every night. I know that if I were to drink now, there’s no way I just want one (how ridiculous!). I would have to commit to either getting drunk or stopping but wanting to be drunk the whole time. Yeah, I don’t want that.
In other news, I feel like I have been coming out of a terrible funk I shared with the whole world in January. The I’m-so-trapped-by-COVID-I’m-going-insane funk. Things are improving, slowly but surely, and my little self-improvement projects help. I’m still doing yoga most days. I have to take a couple of days off every week or so or my knees just can’t take it, but I can tell that I’m getting stronger. And that makes me want to keep going. I am also still chipping away at my house projects, but I’ve gone back to eating sugar. I’d like to improve my diet more, but I’m just not up for it right now. A piece of cake is just so much more fun to look forward to than a big bowl of kale. But, I’ll try to have the kale, too. 😊
The day is sunny and beautiful. Perhaps I’ll go sit in my new yard and try to imagine it more like a jungle and less like a mini-golf course. Sigh.
Sending many hugs and much love to all of you!
Ms. New Leaf