But I didn’t drink it. Yesterday, I came out of my room after finishing work for the day, and my neighbor had brought over a six pack of beer. So, here’s the thing. I have been off-again with the booze much more often than not for the past 9 1/2 months, and she knows that. My first reaction was to feel a bit put out that she didn’t ask me first before she brought it over. I felt like she should have known I might not be drinking. And then, I told her, “no, thanks, I’m not drinking now,” and she proceeded to leave the remainder of the six pack on our counter when she left. Hmmm. I suppose that’s why she didn’t realize she shouldn’t bring it over – she had no problem stopping at just one! On the other hand, I’m sure she knows that I won’t stop at one. So, there’s that.
Anyway, this is really my fault for not setting a clear-enough boundary. I need to tell her I’m not drinking for the foreseeable future. I’ve been toying with the one-year thing in my head, but it is a big commitment! Sadly, I am still having issues with committing because, despite the ugly parts of drinking, there ARE fun parts, too. I think the ugly outweighs the fun, for me, though. At least right now. And, I don’t think I gave sobriety a long-enough chance. One hundred days isn’t long enough for me.
If I am really honest, I haven’t set a clear boundary with her because I know she will be disappointed and try to talk me out of not drinking on my birthday beach getaway. She has convinced me on two other vacations to drink even though I told her I didn’t want to at first. I think she thinks I’m more fun when I’m drinking. 😦 And, in my secret heart of hearts, I want to be able to drink wine on my birthday. I can feel the wheels turning in my head already, and I know I’m setting this up so that I have an excuse to drink wine that weekend. I guess I have to face that one, and think hard about it.
I hid the beer out of sight last night, and I will return it to her today. I am just not someone that can have alcohol in the house if I don’t want to drink. In a moment of weakness, I will drink it and/or my alcoholic (but on the wagon) partner will break down and drink it.
But I’m not going to drink today! Love and support to all of you.
Ms. New Leaf