It has been 21 days now since the last time I decided to drink. Yes, I’ve decided to count days again. I had set a new goal of staying off alcohol completely until at least my 50th birthday, and I was feeling strong enough in my intention that I didn’t think I needed to count days. Until last night. All of a sudden, I almost ordered wine last night.
The craving was very seductive. I was saved only by the fact that I had so firmly made up my mind about my goal. I reminded myself that, in the morning, I would be happy I didn’t drink a bottle of wine. I don’t even pretend that it would be only a glass or two. If I drink, I know I’m drinking the whole bottle. Maybe my neighbor might get a glass … maybe … but even so, the rest would be for me. I didn’t drink, but it seems prudent to add another layer of accountability to bolster my resolve.
As I was going back through my online receipts to confirm my last day, I remembered that I had ordered booze several times in the week and a half before the last day. I am so grateful that some kind of subconscious warning bell must have gone off in my head. I’m actually amazed that I didn’t just keep going at that point. In the past, I would have, and I would be drinking every night by now. I feel like something has definitely shifted in me. I don’t want to go back there. Yet, it still feels precarious enough that I need to make it more solid.
So, I’m sitting here in my favorite chair, drinking a black cherry sparking water, and watching the fog slowly envelop the houses on the hillside outside of my window. Feeling good at day 21.
Wishing you all love and support.
Ms. New Leaf