I had another insanely busy week. A last-minute work project combined with several health-related appointments left me scrambling for time for everything, but it all was accomplished. Whew!
As I wrote last week, I’m focusing my attention right now on becoming more healthy. To that end, I saw the doctor and had about a billion lab tests run to investigate the source of my tiredness. I’m not sure if all of the tests are back, and I haven’t had the definitive word from my doctor yet. However, all of the extra tests so far have been normal EXCEPT that it does turn out that I have been walking around with a hidden infection. It may be that this is the answer. So, I’m on antibiotics, and I have hope that this will be it! Plus, my regular blood tests came back stable (again!) so I don’t have to think about that for two more months. I’ll be getting a hip x-ray to see about the hip pain next week. It feels really good to be taking care of this, and not hiding my head in the sand anymore. I also started walking more for exercise, and that feels good, too. By the way, my doctor seemed excited that I had quit drinking. She had never suggested that I had to quit, but she seemed pretty enthused that I was taking my health so seriously. It made me wonder if doctors get beaten down emotionally by so many patients continuing to do things that are not healthy even though they know they shouldn’t.
I may have already said this, but I have noticed my mood and emotions changing, gradually, as I spend more time without alcohol. I feel like I don’t get as worked up about stuff (anxious, worried, paranoid, angry, etc.) at home and at work. And if I do, it passes more quickly. I think it is easier for me to ignore what I imagine people might be thinking around me and just focus on what I want to do in any given situation (and just with the actual facts at hand). I also finally set a limit, successfully, around something I didn’t want to do anymore with one person in my life. When they started to stress me out about it, I thought briefly about caving, but then I didn’t. And it went well. The person seems to realize that I’m serious about it this time. This is exciting stuff.
It is all so gradual that it is hard to feel sure that these changes are real, but I think they are! I still feel half-baked, though. On my way, but not fully there yet. Oh, but wouldn’t it be great if it continues to become more and more clear how to live without so much fear?!
Ms. New Leaf