In one week, I will hit my 100-day goal. Pretty exciting, and I am going to plan something really nice (for me) on that day. I think maybe I need more (not candy) sober treats to get through this rough patch. Because I’m definitely going to continue on not drinking, at least for now.
I think it is probably true that some of my recent obsessive thoughts about drinking have had to do with the expectations I had of getting to this point. I really thought I was going to see big changes (in health, happiness, etc.) by 100 days, and I am seeing changes, but they are still small. Too many sobriety books will do that to you, I think. I’m sure there must be some pressure from publishers to paint a less-nuanced picture of how the changes happen. It’s OK. I think I realize now that small things will eventually add up to bigger things, but I have to be patient with myself and the process. I also need to put in a little more effort when I am able to. However, I think a lot of it is attitude and recognizing what is going well and right. I know lots of other people have good luck with a gratitude journal, and I’m thinking I’m going to try that.
Warning: I’m now going to talk about health and weight loss, etc., here so if any of that is boring (or triggering) for you, please stop reading now!
A major motivator for me to stay away from alcohol is improved health. In the last three months, I have lost about 5-8 lbs without trying at all (depending on my water retention on that day), but I still have approximately 20-25 lbs to go to get to a no-longer-overweight state. I’d like to do that by my 50th birthday, and I have about 6 months to get there. I’ve long had a fantasy of being in really good health (as much as I can be given my blood disorder, of course) by my 50th birthday. Perhaps it is doable, and to be honest, I think I need to really start feeling healthier to stay away from boozing in the long run. I need some health momentum!
To that end, I’m trying to slow down the sugar consumption. I don’t think I really need it anymore, and it isn’t good for me. I want my new treats to be oriented toward health. One “treat” I have been indulging in, as my budget allows, is nice, high-quality, organic food from the fancy grocery store. I also need to start up hiking, yoga and cardio-based exercise again, but that is a little more tricky because I’ve been having hip pain and chronic tiredness lately. I’m finally going to go see my doctor tomorrow to try to figure this out and make a plan. It is a little scary given the diagnosis I received the LAST time I went for a full physical, but it has to be done. Big girl pants time. I also have to admit that I fell off of my regular meditating and stretching routine when my life got crazy busy for a while there. Somehow, all of this stuff needs to be non-negotiable. Something I do no matter what, even if life is nuts. Nothing extreme. Just the basics, but every day.
I’m pretty much just writing this out for me so (hopefully!) I will remember as I move forward. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!
Ms. New Leaf