Feeling flat

I’m not going to lie. I would really, really like to drink some red wine tonight. I won’t, but I would love to. Not to worry – I know that I can resist the craving. It isn’t actually all that strong. The problem is just that I’m feeling a little flat. There’s nothing really wrong. I’m just bored and unsatisfied. I went back to work yesterday (after a lovely 12 day break with very few serious cravings), and I always used to transition into cozy home mode with a few glasses of wine after work in the evening. It makes helping with homework better. It makes fixing dinner better. It just fills in the boring bits so nicely. And now I don’t have it, and things are just flat.

Once I crawl into bed and snuggle down with a book, I know I’ll feel better. Unfortunately, my sort-of sister in-law is coming over for a visit, and we have a complicated relationship. She’s just not that much fun for me to be around because, while she’s “nice” on the surface, it is impossible to talk to her about anything real. And she has a lot of barely concealed anger just seething under the surface all of the time. Damn. I hear her downstairs now. I have to go greet her soon or be thought rude.

Anyway – I’ll be great in the morning. I always am. And I know enough now to know that it isn’t worth it to throw that away for one night of wine. Day 42!


Ms. NL

17 thoughts on “Feeling flat

  1. My experience, and I know it’s the same for many, is that getting out our drinking HABITS is harder than quitting the drink itself. That’s been my biggest challenge…so, good luck with yours. It isn’t easy, but it is worth it.

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  2. Honestly, I totally get it. I think around the 6 week point is tricky. We are relearning new ways of managing and trying to break a very very entrenched habit (as Nelson said). I know if I have one glass of wine at those times I feel like that, it would end up being more and then lead to a downward spiral. That’s just me though.
    I also think there are certain triggers … boredom, people we don’t particularly want to see or spend time with, situations we don’t want to be in. I find I’m starting to identify the triggers more clearly and that helps.
    Sometimes bed and book are the only answer. Roll on the morning 😁😁
    ps you have done so well. Amazing achievement.
    Claire xx

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    1. Thanks, Claire! Yes, me too. I know that a glass of wine would turn into a bottle (if not that night, then soon after), and then I’d be back on the train. And my partner’s sister IS such a trigger, in many ways. Last night, I just slipped away as soon as I could, and went to bed. Really does work! 😊

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  3. hang in there ! with every new change in your daily routine (example: back to work after a break) we have to re-learn alternate ways to do things. Here: how can we relax and wind down AF ? And even : how can we build a satisfying life AF? What is a “nonboring” life for us and how can we make it happen? Once the “veil” of alcohol is lifted we are left with these questions and can’t run away any more. But on the other hand (and on a much less dramatic note lol) the feeling of flatness really does dissipate with time as we learn to re-enjoy the simplest things for what they are 🙂 I went from “oh no i am so depressed and hate life” to feeling MUCH much more satisfied and grateful for everything, including stuff I used to find boring before, and the only thing i changed was removing the alcohol and pushing through the first 3 months and the feelings of dissatisfaction that arose once I removed alcohol from my daily life. Anywayyyy sorry for the long comment, I hope this morning you felt better 🙂 YOU’RE DOING GREAT ! 🙂 xxoxoxo Anne

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    1. That is so helpful, Anne! Thank you! I am so glad to hear your experience as I am putting some faith in the “things change around the 90-day mark” thing I hear so often. Yes-how to live a nonboring life is it exactly. Much better this morning. 👍🏻😁

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  4. Ah the boredom! Giving up alcohol can shine a harsh light on our reality. Sometimes that means confronting the fact that some of the time life can feel a bit empty or dull. But realising that can also be a real instigator of change. I recently met up with another person who has recently given up. We had a great time and made me realise I need people like that in my life not so much the old drinking companions who quite honestly without the booze, can be a little boring and hard work. Jim x

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks, Jim. I agree that some re-evaluating is definitely in order. And also some accepting that not all things will be smoothed out in life. And yes to more boozeless friendships and real connections!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s hard to just “be” during routine times. I found a short walk helps, or hot tea.
    Taking deep breaths help me too!
    Habits are hard to break, but you’ve already done it for 42 days!
    Way to go!

    Liked by 2 people

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